So, we have these beautiful tulips in our yard right now (not the ones in the picture, but red ones and I would have taken a picture of them, but alas, my camera is broken... sad day). I've been observing them over the past two days... yesterday morning and early afternoon it was really cloudy and dreary out and I noticed that the tulips were all closed tight and kind of bending over... like they wanted to just crawl up under a blanket and sleep through the dreariness (sounds exactly like what I wanted to do!). But the sun did come out in the late afternoon, and Emma and I sat outside for a while. I then saw that the tulips were standing straight up, and the petals were open and they looked so beautiful - like they were stretching as far as they could to get a look at the sun and absorb as much warmth as possible.
I feel like I've been in this dreary season for the past nine months or so - things have been changing with CSF - the people I was investing in were no longer a part of the ministry, and a ton of new students were coming in - kind of a transition time. We have been in this relationship building stage where we've just been getting to know the people who have been coming, and I'm not really very good at that so it's been harder for me. I haven't been very excited about things, and I realized today that it was because I'm not gifted in that area - I am much better at discipling and digging into people's lives once the initial relationship has been built and when I have earned the right to challenge them. So, I haven't been living in my full potential in ministry because of that... but I guess that's just the way ministry ebbs and flows sometimes. So, I've felt like those tulips when it was cloudy out - closed up and weighted down... but I'm beginning to see signs of the sun coming through the clouds - Mexico really helped solidify people within CSF and I'm starting to have really good conversations with people... and I can feel the excitement of looking toward next year and seeing all of the possibilities... seeing how people will start to grow.
It makes me think about farming - how farmers will plant a certain crop in a field several years in a row, but every fifth year or whatever they will need to not plant anything there - the field will need to have a rest in order for it to give it's best in crops later. Maybe I've just needed this year to rest a little bit... so I can be fully present in the ministry next year. I'm beginning to open up my petals and draw in the warmth.
2 comments:
That is well said. Transitioning is not the easiest thing to deal with and I think your perspective is strong. The fact that you are willing to be open about weaknesses and and see the potential in the future is a very mature state of mind. Let e also encourage you and say that you are a fun and exciting person to be with. Your smart, friendy, and have a contagious laugh. Just be near people and they will want to know you, you want have to try very hard.
Thanks for the message Jenny! Good to see you this weekend too. Did the speaker ever really clear up that 1 John 5 passage?...verse 16 I think? I'm still confused. Glad to know I'm not a horrible person for criticizing the Church...that's the way it feels sometimes. But you're right, critics stop with their tongues and the progressives begin with action. Here's to action!
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