Images of Elegance

So, I finally got around to doing another art book. I had one - "Exposed", still have I should say, and just didn't do anything with it. I hit whatever 'writers' block' is for artists. Artists' block, if you will. Then I got this book - "Images of Elegance", and started thinking about what elegance is, and what portrays elegance. Now, my mom raised me well - on old black and white movies where the women were true 'ladies' and the men were gentlemen and still knew how to dance. One of my all time favorite actresses is Audrey Hepburn -she exudes beauty and grace. When I think of the word 'elegance', her image pops into my head. And not just because of her appearance, but she was a very down-to-earth, sweet, authentic person. She loved deeply, and cared for the weary - her work in Africa paved the way for a lot of the work that is being done today. She was a truly amazing woman. And so, I decided to make an homage to her for this book. Here it is:
I'm really pleased with how it turned out. I used a technique where you take a Blender Pen and transfer an image that has been photocopied onto another surface. I wanted it to have the feel of an old black and white movie.

Here are the quotes that are on the page -

Top Center:
"Audrey sensed very early in her life and career that self-worth based on fame and beauty is very short-lived, and so she remained forever herself - realistic, aware, and caring." -Robert Wolders

Bottom Left:
"I never thought I'd land in pictures with a face like mine." - Audrey Hepburn

Bottom Right:
"She has authentic charm. Most people simply have nice manners." - Alfred Lunt (director)

My Life's Soundtrack

This is really cool. Please post this in your own journal and make sure you tell me when you've done this one, because I want to read them. Have fun

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie about the songs (they can be funny if you just leave them)

Opening Credits: "No One Mourns The Wicked" - Wicked Soundtrack (no joke!)

Waking Up: "Stable Song" - Death Cab For Cutie

First Day of School: "On To Bethlehem" - Vigilantes of Love

Falling in Love: "State of the Union" - Rise Against (yes, such a romantic song)

Fight Scene: "Evenstar" - Lord of the Rings Soundtrack

Breaking Up: "Come to Me Reprise" - Waterdeep

Getting Back Together: "This Is How We Do It" - Montell Jordan (yikes! gettin' a little steamy in here!)

Prom: "A Million Ways" - OK Go

Secret Love: "Inaudible Melodies" - Jack Johnson

Life: "O Come Let Us Adore Him" - Matt Redman

Mental Breakdown: "Community Song" - Josh Garrels

Driving: "Take My Life" - Chris Tomlin

Flashback: "You Are A Child of Mine" - Mark Schultz

Partying: "Wicked Web" - Waterdeep

Happy Dance: "The Blower's Daughter" - Damien Rice (yes, this makes me want to get down and put my groove on)

Regretting: "Wholly Yours" - David Crowder Band

Long Night Alone: "Silent Night" - Over the Rhine (good pick - the way OTR sings this is quite mournful)

Wedding: "Everything'll Be Alright" - Joshua Radin (I know it will be)

Birth of Child: "Back To The Ground" - Jamie Cullum

Final Battle: "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" - Jet

Death Scene: "Jesus Wants To Save Christians" - Rob Bell (kind of a long death scene considering this is a sermon ;) )

Funeral Song: "Pump Up The Volume" - MARRS (yes! I always wanted my funeral to be a dance party!)

Ending Credits: Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) - The Beatles

this is an amazing cover of Outkast's "Hey Ya"

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

can you say "antichrist"?

Quite possibly one of the most disturbing news clips I've seen in a while...

the many faces of my future husband... enjoy!

a tiny glimpse of heaven

Excerpted from the book "Faith and the City" by Jennifer Ruisch.

After years of afterlife hypotheses, I finally consulted the Bible for its description of heaven. According to Revelation 21, heaven is not an ethereal idea; it is a literal city. It's a city that is 1,400 miles wide and 1,400 miles long. The city walls are 1,400 miles high and 200 feet thick, made from twelve precious stones including jasper, saphire, emerald, and amethyst. There are twelve gates into the city, three on each side of the four walls. Each gate is made of a single pearl. The main street of the city is made from pure gold that looks like transparent glass.

Revelation 22 talks about a flowing, crystal-clear river running through the main street of the city and the tree of life, yielding an abundance of fruit. It says that the city doesn't need the sun or moon to shine because the glory of God gives it light. Apparently, God had to hang the sun to give light to the earth because He could not be there Himself. But in heaven, the light of God radiates magnificently through the jeweled walls. There is no evil, sadness, or confusion within the city; there is only goodness, happiness, and peace.

Plato believed that whenever we see something beautiful, good, or right on earth and feel that deep inner sense of appreciation and awe, it is because we are "remembering the Forms." We might be recalling the Form of Beauty, Truth, Goodness, or Virtue. Forms are the true reality that exists somewhere beyond the shadow of reality we experience here on earth, and we will always feel a pang of emotion whenever we see the Forms captured in our world.

Maybe fairytale-like surroundings that evoke our awe-filled silences are limited to just that ... fairy tales. Perhaps there is no wonder beyond. Or maybe every sunset and rainbow is trying to remind us that there is something more. Perhaps when we "ooh and ahh" over someone's new diamond ring, we do so because we've literally just experienced a tiny glimpse of heaven.

OK Go

If you haven't heard of this fun, quirky Brittish band, you are missing out. Fun, upbeat music, and fantastically original and creative videos - here are two of the more goofy ones... watch, laugh, get inspired to wear white boots and polyester...

productivity - who knew?

It might be that the beginning of a new school year often feels like New Years' to me... it might be that I have to be more consistent with my schedule... it might be some freak act of nature... I'm not sure, but today quite possibly might have been my most productive day for a long time. I woke up, read a little, worked out (wow - those words haven't come out of my mouth for a long time! but, looking at my wedding dress hanging in our spare room gives me a bit of a push), took my ring in to get resized, had a productive staff meeting where my calendar started filling up, said good-bye to Becca over the phone (she's somewhere over the Pacific ocean right now), sewed up some of Betsy's clothes that needed fixin', designed a monogram for our wedding invitations, cleaned and rearranged my room, catalogued my personal library (as of right now I have 104 books in my collection, but I only did the books in my room, so there's more to add to that list), and hung out with Nick for a bit. Emma is now conked out on my bed, but I'm still up typing away... really surprised at that.

I did notice today, however, how fun it is to go through my friends' profiles on myspace and see how many circles of friends I can find - you know, so and so is a friend of matt, and so is fred, but so and so isn't a friend of fred... but fred is a friend of sally who is a friend of so and so... weird... does so and so not like fred? have they never met? why am i even thinking about this stuff? and why am i wasting my time on myspace? go to bed!

narcolepsy... finally

Well, this last artist book stumped me pretty good. I tried the easy way out and contacted the owner of the book to see if she did indeed want us to create a page about narcolepsy hoping that she would say no... but indeed she does want it to be about narcolepsy (it turns out she was diagnosed with narcolepsy and wanted all of us to have to learn about it and gain some understanding about the disease). Hmmm... tough one. So, I thought about it, researched narcolepsy, and came up with this:


I kinda like this one... what do you think?

the first week of engaged life...

...has been wonderful! I'm so surprised at how fun being engaged is. I've always heard that engagement is a difficult time - stress from planning a wedding and always talking about wedding stuff... being in this in-between time... and granted, perhaps all of that will come at some point over the next 11 months, but I sure am having fun so far.

I love dreaming of a future with Nick and not feeling bad about it - you know, when you date someone, you want to kind of guard your heart and not assume that things will progress to marriage... well, no more do I have to be careful! I can dream all I want! Because we're getting married - and it's a reality - not some dream rolling through my mind's eye. So, it's exciting.

This week has been pretty productive... maybe it's because I want to get things planned before school starts up so I'm not obsessing about my wedding when I'm supposed to be working. Maybe it's because I'm a control freak and want to get everything organized. Maybe it's because I love planning things... who knows... who cares! Things are getting done and it is fun! My dress has been picked out and purchased... my maid of honor's dress has been picked out and purchased. The flowers for the girls' boquets have been picked out and purchased. The date is set, ideas of locations have been mulled over. The bridal party has been decided on and contacted. And I will admit it, this has been so much fun! There's lots more to plan, but that's a great start... now, I just have to impatiently wait for 11 months to pass! I can't wait!

a new stage of life

Well, finally an update for all of my faithful readers (like there are so many). My life is changing... after four months of dating Nick, and I realize it sounds like an incredibly short amount of time, I am the happiest I've ever been. This man has made my life so much better than I could have imagined. He fits me so well, makes me laugh all of the time, is so supportive of anything I do, is a dreamer and helps me see possibilities where I would only see walls. I've never felt more comfortable with anyone before, and I can't imagine life without him. And, luckily enough, I DON'T HAVE TO!!! Because....

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!

It's true, I am engaged! I feel so lucky to have found the love of my life. I can't wait to start a life with him and see where God takes us.

In other news... yesterday I took Emma to the dog park, and left with a sprained ankle. Emma was playing with a really large dog, and when this dog was chasing her, she came running toward me (she likes to do a "fly by" and scare me a little)... but her little plan backfired when the other dog didn't see me standing there and ran directly into the back of my legs knocking me completely off of my feet and onto my back. I must have lifted my right leg as it happened because my left ankle got the brunt of the impact. And so I spent the afternoon at the hospital making sure it wasn't broken and now have to keep off of it as much as possible and put lots of ice on it. And I walk funny... my new nickname is "gimpy".

That's all for now. Hope you are glad I finally wrote.

East Coast

We're back! What a fun trip - full of adventure and some relaxation and a lot of walking. No, we didn't kill each other... not even close. We found out that we do enjoy each others' company and we actually do like each other! (like we didn't know this before). We loved, absolutely loved, Boston. What a great city. As we were driving home, we were sad we didn't just spend our entire vacation there. But New York City was an adventure in itself - where we went to a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman (which was really fun), and to "Wicked" on Broadway (which was amazing), and to the original Improv Comedy Club (which was interesting to say the least - funny, yes... vulgar, unfortunately yes... but funny) where some chick laughed like Janice from Friends the ENTIRE time. Wow. Here are some pictures to fill you in on the rest:

summer, the coast, and narcolepsy

I'm not sure what to write at the moment... but I know I need to force myself to write or else I'll just keep putting it off. So, what comes next will most likely be a bunch of ramblings.

I'm enjoying summer - it's a wonderful time... enjoying the outdoors - the sunshine and cool breeze... The evenings are beautiful. The festivals, the gatherings, the cookouts, the walks with Emma. And a summer with love makes it all so much better. I've dreamed of the day where I would be in love and happy - fantasizing what that would look like with scenes from movies dancing in my head. I've come to see that love isn't what you see in the movies... it's different, but somehow feels so much better. Things may not be perfect, and there may be ruts in the road, but walking through life with someone you can trust makes it all feel easier. I'm having so much fun and learning so much about myself... Nick has blessed my life.

And in five short days we will be on our way to the east coast! I'm so excited to see Boston and New York... to see my pregnant friend Trisha (I can't believe it's been a year Trish! It's a good thing you're moving closer to me so I can spoil that child of yours!)... to go to a Red Sox game... to see Wicked on Broadway (I can't believe we got tickets!)... to spend hours upon hours upon hours in a car with Nick (well, maybe not! just kidding!). This will definately be a good test of our relationship - I suppose that if we can survive this, we can get through pretty much anything.

On another note, I finished my first artist book, but couldn't take a picture of it because I don't have my camera back from the shop... but it turned out okay - not my best work, but I think I'm extremely critical of my own stuff. I did receive my next book, however, and it has me a little perplexed. The title of it is: "N is for Narcolepsy". Um... uh... what? I guess the girl who the book belongs to has narcolepsy so I guess that makes sense for her, but she didn't leave any instructions and I'm a little lost as to what to do with that. I have no frame of reference for narcolepsy... nothing comes to mind that would be worth contributing artistically. At the moment I've hit a wall... but I'll keep thinking and praying... if you have any ideas, let me know.

And that's all for the randomness for now... perhaps one of these days I'll get better at posting regularly. Ciao.

finally

sorry for the long delay on updating this thing... i've gotten so far off my goal of wanting to post daily... perhaps this post will inspire me to continue

i'm a part of this collaborative artist thing - there are nine of us in a tri-state area who are passing around artist books to each other once a month... each of us created a book with a specific theme and it will be passed through nine people's hands and blessed with nine people's creative interpretation of the theme and in nine month's time (hopefully) I will have a complete book of art on my topic. my book's theme is "grace"... an idea that i have been mulling over and contemplating on for the past two years. i'm very excited to see what people come up with, how they view grace and how they express that artistically.

today, i'm finally sitting down to finish the page in the first book i've received. the book's theme is "on the verge of becoming me". it has taken me a while to come up with ideas of what to do... i've been thinking about myself and who it is i am and what has brought me to this point... two specific things stuck out to me as i meditated on it: me as a little girl - carefree and smiling... not afraid to do or be anything, not afraid to be cute; and lilies - a flower that has become very symbolic in my life... it stems from a verse that has defined my sense of self from Song of Songs 2:2 - "like a lily among thorns, so is my darling among the maidens"... just this idea that God has created me as something so unique and beautiful that i stand out stunningly like a beautiful lily among dead thorns. i'm having so much fun taking those two ideas and interpreting them onto paper - using different mediums: oil pastels, paint, photos, ribbons, glass... it's so much fun!

as i finish a project, i will post pictures of what was created so you can join me in this process... and maybe it will even inspire you to try something - if not join a group like this, then to explore a new way of journaling.

ciao for now

megachurch & king of the hill

thoughts?

party like it's 1999

What a way to end the school year... we had a big bash - a Thrift Store Prom, and it was so much fun. Seeing everyone get all dressed up - some in traditial Prom-wear, some in vintage clothing, some in 80s monstrosities... dancing the night away to old school dance tunes. Sweaty and smelly and tired, but who cares? It was a fun time, and I wanted to share the evening with you with a few pictures - thanks to Brady Jones for the great photography...

Nick and I in our formal best... good looking couple aren't we?

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Two of the crazy-awesome-let's-go-all-night dancers - Nick and Steph.

Bon Jovi in disguise.

Strike a pose. Vogue. Vogue.

Who's taller? I think someone is a little self-conscious.

stretching

So, we have these beautiful tulips in our yard right now (not the ones in the picture, but red ones and I would have taken a picture of them, but alas, my camera is broken... sad day). I've been observing them over the past two days... yesterday morning and early afternoon it was really cloudy and dreary out and I noticed that the tulips were all closed tight and kind of bending over... like they wanted to just crawl up under a blanket and sleep through the dreariness (sounds exactly like what I wanted to do!). But the sun did come out in the late afternoon, and Emma and I sat outside for a while. I then saw that the tulips were standing straight up, and the petals were open and they looked so beautiful - like they were stretching as far as they could to get a look at the sun and absorb as much warmth as possible.

I feel like I've been in this dreary season for the past nine months or so - things have been changing with CSF - the people I was investing in were no longer a part of the ministry, and a ton of new students were coming in - kind of a transition time. We have been in this relationship building stage where we've just been getting to know the people who have been coming, and I'm not really very good at that so it's been harder for me. I haven't been very excited about things, and I realized today that it was because I'm not gifted in that area - I am much better at discipling and digging into people's lives once the initial relationship has been built and when I have earned the right to challenge them. So, I haven't been living in my full potential in ministry because of that... but I guess that's just the way ministry ebbs and flows sometimes. So, I've felt like those tulips when it was cloudy out - closed up and weighted down... but I'm beginning to see signs of the sun coming through the clouds - Mexico really helped solidify people within CSF and I'm starting to have really good conversations with people... and I can feel the excitement of looking toward next year and seeing all of the possibilities... seeing how people will start to grow.

It makes me think about farming - how farmers will plant a certain crop in a field several years in a row, but every fifth year or whatever they will need to not plant anything there - the field will need to have a rest in order for it to give it's best in crops later. Maybe I've just needed this year to rest a little bit... so I can be fully present in the ministry next year. I'm beginning to open up my petals and draw in the warmth.

so sorry

Here is my apology for not being very up-to-date with my blog, and for not coming up with anything interesting enough to blog about. And so, I will commence with an update of life-events...

It's Easter - Happy Easter! He is risen! I was able to spend the day with my roommate Betsy's family which was fun and relaxing... good food. I've been glad to think about the day and the resurrection of my Lord... how He died for me and conquered death and my sin... how He forgives me of sins I commit... and not only that, but forgets about them. I have a tendency to believe that he keeps a file with all of my sins written on them so that He can flip through them and remind me of them later... but not so. In Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." How much differently would I live if I truly believed this? Would I allow myself to accept and rejoice in His grace? Would I more easily be able to give grace to others? I hope I will be reminded of this over and over until it sinks in.

I've been enjoying spending time with Nick, getting to know him, getting to know myself. I'm amazed at how easy it is to be with him, to be open with him and vulnerable. I haven't had so much fun or have felt so happy for a long time. Just thinking about him makes me smile. I feel pretty lucky.

Other than that, ministry is going well... though I must admit that I am longing for summer: the sun on my skin, relaxed days of reading and being refreshed, dreaming and planning for the next school year, taking trips and having fun, sitting outside in the warm nights looking at stars... Just a few more weeks and it will be here!

Sorry it doesn't get any more exciting... I'll try harder next time...

Cynthia Sofia Petersen

Here she is, my beautiful niece, born April 3, 2006.

My mom trying to wake her up.

Big brother, Robert.

With my dad, look how tiny she is!

Not exactly sure what to do.

Uncle Mike (soon to be Grandpa Mike, hahahaha) and Aunt Jenny

My brother Rick, proud father.

Where the Sidewalk Ends...

Today, I bought the book Where The Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein for my nephew, Robert. It was one of my favorite books growing up - we didn't own it, but I kept checking out over and over from the school library. Here's the title poem that inspires me:

Where The Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

I am entering territory - where the sidewalk ends... it has been surprising, exciting, scary, intriguing. Here's what happened. I met a guy... oh yes! He's a really great guy - Nick. And we started hanging out... we clicked instantly. And we realized we really liked hanging out with each other... so we decided to see where it would lead. And now I'm being blessed by him day after day - learning about myself, about him, about God, about this thing called life. I've never had so much fun... and I've never felt so comfortable before. It's crazy... but good. And so, we'll walk together... measured and slow... and follow the chalk-white arrows that God places before us... to the place where the sidewalk ends.

Beauty

By request of Peter Bradley, I am breaking my week long silence with a much needed post. Sorry for the lack of communication... life seems to be taking a lot of attention these days... but it's good stuff - stuff that swells my heart and of which I will write on later...

I've been reading the book To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller... I heart Donald Miller - the way he writes, his insights, his honesty. This book is about growing up without a father, and though I grew up with a wonderful father, it is helping me to see God in a different light and to gain a little understanding of those who did not. Here's a passage that struck me on Wednesday:

I wondered if all the relationships we have - relationsionships with our lover, our mother, our friends - are not unlike blurred photos of our relationship with God, as though they are foreshadowings in the sappy prologue of an eternal novel.

I wondered if sliding our arms around a woman's hips wasn't a kind of infantile introduction to the metaphysical. If I allow myself, I can see God holding up flashcards as I fall in love with a woman, cards that say, this is love, I am like this love, only better.

"See," God says, pointing at the flashcard with the word "love," then pointing at His own chest while I move down the woman's lips to her chin and her neck. "See," God says, putting down the flashcard with "love" and picking up the word "oneness." He says, "Get it? Do you see? It's all living metaphors. It's a hint of oneness - like My Trinity!"

I love this... this blurring the line between secular and spiritual. This knowledge that faith is so much more than sitting in a pew... it's all around us - God pursuing us in the little things. He's trying to get our attention with the everyday. How beautiful that is - to know that He is a God who desires so much more than a prayer or an hour in church on Sundays... to know that He is intimately involved in our lives - teaching, guiding, directing... loving. Beautiful.

Bono's Prayer Breakfast

If you haven't had a chance to see the footage from the prayer breakfast Bono spoke at last month... definately check it out here.

What Sarah Said

I've been mulling over this Death Cab For Cutie song these past few days... it's sad - but full of something more - something I can't quite put my finger on. It struck me with the line: love is watching someone die... and then I saw the video they have for it posted on their website and I was so moved by it - you can watch it here until March 26th. The words are written in French, so to get the full effect, here is the translation: On the mirror she writes "He loves me", On her hand she writes "A little?", On the wall she writes "Very Much!", On his arm is written "passionately", On her leg she carves "With madness", And she finishes the sentence on the mirror "not at all."

Here are the lyrics to the song:

"What Sarah Said"

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

slow snowy days

Check out that massive snowball! YES!

Getting ready to dominate! (Alright, we got annihilated by the boys, if truth be told)

Jed getting ready to strike... too bad his aim is horrible! HAHAHAHA!

So much snow! It's absolutely gorgeous, but torture on my car... it got stuck and it was frustrating. But, we got to go play in it... have a snowball fight. I haven't played like that in the snow for years. It made me feel like a little kid again. I've been thankful for the past two days - classes were cancelled... I am still in need of rest from the trip, but this has helped.

I'm home!

It's a weird feeling being at home... not having 47 other people around constantly. It's always a hard transition coming back from a trip like Mexico... not having the constant encouragement and company - which is weird for me to say since I am most definately an introvert. But this year our group was different - we were closer, more solidified. Deep friendships were formed, and I loved seeing the Lord in the midst of every person I talked to. It was a beautiful thing.

So, I'm home. And it's snowing buckets. It's beautiful outside - I want to go take a walk... I think I might if the wind stops blowing like it is. I'm glad for our students that they don't have school today. I secretly hope there is no school tomorrow... but that would mean that we would have no CSF which wouldn't be as much fun.

Here are a couple of things I learned on this trip (more thoughts to come later):

1. Don't put a digital camera in your back pocket... the LCD screen can get cracked. (grrrrrr....)
2. Have a sense of humor when you play riddle games with people... because you will inevitably end up looking like a giant goon in the process of figuring something out... "rice, rice, rice, I'm gonna buy some rice" indeed.
3. If you are going to spend a week shoveling "dirt" in Mexico (which really means a pile of rocks), get a massage when you get back - thanks to my friend Nicholas, I'm getting one tonight for a steal! Thanks Nick :).
4. Matt Wertz is an artist that you need to check out. (Thanks Jed for pointing him out to me, and for having great taste in music).

Thats all for now, folks. After I make myself sit down and process through things, I'll write more serious observations... and I'll post some pictures (though my camera did indeed break). Until then, I hope your day is unexpected.

muy stressed

Every year this week hits, and every year I am so surprised at how busy we are, and how stressed out I become. The countdown: T minus 3 days before we head to Mexico... ask me if I'm ready - go ahead, ask. I will answer with a resounding, "are you kidding me?!?!?!". Well, it's not that bad. We're actually ahead of schedule. But the last two days have been killers. But tomorrow, now tomorrow I have been selfish about... I want and need as much time off tomorrow as possible, or else I will be one crabby lady on Friday, and no one wants that. So, it's work really hard the rest of the time. This year I have decided to splurge when we get back and get a massage. Anyone know a good/cheaper place to go? I've only gotton one professional massage in my life, and it was heavenly. So, with thoughts of relaxation in my head, I continue working hard and getting through this trip... and hopefully after the 18th I'll be able to keep up on this blog! Hasta luego!

www.one.org

spinning dogs and dreams of a holiday

I think I may have seen the funniest thing ever the other day as I was driving to my eye appointment. In the car in front of me was a little Chihuahua in the back window. For close to 10 minutes I followed this car and watched the dog go around and around and around in circles... for 10 minutes! Constantly! Well, he would stop when the car was stopped, but once they started moving again, he'd start right back up... it was like he was creating his own amusement park ride!

What a beautiful day it was outside today! Emma and I went to the park and hung out for several hours, and the warmth made me long for summer - and all that is associated with it: sun, water, laughter, flowers, warm nights full of stars, camping, vacation. Vacation... thoughts of my vacation this summer have started flowing - ideas are forming... the East Coast and seeing friends is becoming a strong possibility... a road trip by myself, perhaps? We'll see...

I heart my iPod

Here is what has been playing most on my iPod lately:

Takk | Sigur Ros


A haunting album by this Icelandic band. I listen to it most while I'm reading in a busy place. The videos are inspiring as well (as I've posted about before).








Transatlanticism | Death Cab For Cutie


I have come to adore Death Cab For Cutie. They have some great tunes that get stuck in your head... some of my faves from this album: Title and Registration, and The Sound of Settling.







Plans | Death Cab For Cutie

The newest Death Cab album... becoming a quick favorite.










Clap Your Hands Say Yeah | Clap Your Hands Say Yeah


A new indie band - the album is fun and sounds raw which is refreshing. I get to see them live at the end of next month, as well as The Brunettes (also a fun band).







Life In Slow Motion | David Gray

This album I love to play when I'm in a contemplative mood... though for some reason my dog absolutely hates this album - seriously, she doesn't care about anything I listen to except for this... when she hear's David Gray's voice, she gets frightened and starts pacing... weird. But a great album besides that!






Illinoise | Sufjan Stevens


This has becoming, hands down, my favorite album of this past year... even above Coldplay and U2. It's fresh, fun, and full of talent. I recommend getting this album at once!







The Relevant Podcast | Relevant Magazine

I wait expectantly for this podcast every week - they talk about movies, music, and culture, and have great interviews with people like Don Miller and Derek Webb.

Paste Culture Club Podcast | Paste Magazine

If you like indie bands - you definately should listen to this podcast. They spotlight several up and coming independent bands and often play entire songs so you can get an idea if you'd like to hear more. They also talk about culture and movies - mostly focusing on grassroots projects. It's pretty sweet.

** A note on podcasts: you can subscribe to a podcast thru iTunes... if you don't have iTunes, I recommend it... you can download it for free here. To subscribe to a podcast, go to the Music Store in iTunes, find the podcast you'd like to get and click subscribe. It's free, which is the best part about it!

27 years

Amazing... 27 years old today and I still act like I'm 12.

In honor of this day, here are 27 things I love about life:
1. The love of my family.
2. The way my friends stick with me through thick and thin.
3. Grace, and the beauty of the Lord.
4. The way my dog gets so excited to see me when I come home, and then loves to simply lay at my feet.
5. Music - the way it inspires and moves me.
6. The privilege of impacting college students' lives through my job.
7. The blessing of working with Dan.
8. Being an advocate for those who are less fortunate.
9. Getting to travel the globe and learn about other cultures.
10. Taking walks with Emma.
11. Reading a good book and letting the story take me away.
12. Watching a beautiful movie and getting lost in the cinematography and lives of the people onscreen.
13. Knitting!
14. Dancing with all my might when no one else is around.
15. Going swing dancing... with some of the greatest guys around - Mark, Jeremy, Brian.
16. Catching up with old friends.
17. Meeting new ones.
18. Road trips!
19. Eating with chopsticks! :)
20. Getting REAL mail.
21. COFFEE!!! Especially Double Mex Mochas (no whip) from the Coffee House... mmm... that makes me smile just thinking about it.
22. Candles.
23. Thunderstorms.
24. Mountains!
25. Lilies ("Like a lily among thorns, so is my darling among the maidens." Song of Songs 2:2)
26. The smell of rain.
27. The ability to live and breath, to laugh and love, to cry and rejoice... the ability to worship the Giver of Life - to "bend and not break at the sight of Him"... what an abundant life I have led thus far.

life is surprising

I've had a two surprising things happen to me in the past few days - all because of this beautiful thing called the internet.

The first was that I reconnected with an old friend from high school - through myspace.com... what a crazy beast myspace is. I went to prom with Nathan my freshman year of high school... in fact we grew up together - went to the same grade school, I was constantly at his house since I was best friends with his sister growing up. But we had lost contact for about 10 years until I unexpectedly found his profile on myspace. And so, we have reconnected via e-mail... what a great surprise this is! Glad I found you again, Nathan!

The second - I had a great conversation with Colin via gmail's chat system... Trisha, you were right that gmail is the coolest thing ever. So, last night at 12:30 AM I sat on my couch and talked to Colin for over an hour while he sat at his desk in his office in Macleod Ganj, Inda at 12:00 in the afternoon. Amazing... half a world away. Thanks, Colin, for the late night chat - we'll have to do it again sometime!

And so, I enter this day wondering what else God has up His sleeve...

coldplay

Here are a few pics from the Coldplay concert last night:

During the song "Yellow", these large yellow balloons fell from the ceiling. People hit them around for a while, and when they popped gold glitter fell from them... it was pretty cool.

angry

here's something that makes me a little bit mad. on another blog that i frequent, they posted about some book burnings that some groups of christians have sponsored... burning books including (but not limited to) the Harry Potter books. this makes me so mad. images of nazi germany come to mind. and as a lover of all literature, the thought of burning any kind of book makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck! yes, let's just burn all of the books that we disagree with so that our kids grow up safe and sound and won't have to bother having their minds sharpened by reading any other kind of thought than the ones we want them to have. grrrrrrrrrr.

My favorite book...

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. We went to see the film last night - this being my second time (though the first time wasn't very enjoyable as we had to sit in the very first row, with our heads cocked at strange angles and the picture itself becoming distorted at that close proximity). Beautiful movie - they did a fantastic job with it. You can dispute me if you wish - but this story is close to my heart. I love it - the tension between Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, the craziness of the Bennett family, the sheer wit and banter that plays out between characters, the romance... *sigh* Read it if you haven't... or at least see the film.

Here are a few great quotes from the book (most are used in the film as well):

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. (this is the very first line of the novel... a great first line!)

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. (how true this statement is - seriously guys, if you want to get a glimpse into a woman's mind... read this book!)

An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.

(and these next two are the things every woman wants to hear from the man she is in love with)

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

You have bewitched me... body and soul!

Ah... it makes me happy just thinking about it - perhaps it is time to curl up with the novel myself - along with a good cup of coffee of course!

from me to you

Happy Valentine's Day! I love you all!!

new pictures

here are a few new pictures for you all:

Here is Sarah Miller and I - I must say that we look quite fetching in this one!

Here I am with Brady Jones - who hates to have his picture taken.... muwahahaha! Lovely tongue I have there... why is it that I can barely ever take a normal picture???

And here is the picture I created yesterday... when I look at it I see things that I should have done differently, but overall I think it turned out well. I haven't quite decided what to do with it...

That's all that's new these days... it snowed this weekend and it made me very happy. I took Emma for a walk in it on Sunday and loved watching the huge flakes float down to the ground - they went so slow that sometimes it looked like they were just suspended in the air. There is something about snow that is beautiful and magical - too bad it didn't snow enough to make anything with it. I can't complain though - it's turning out to be a gorgeous day out there!

Anyone have any ideas of a fun way to celebrate my birthday? It's on the 25th - and I turn the grand age of 27... but I am at a loss of what to do. I had planned on going to Chicago for the weekend, but that fell through. Do you have any crazy/fun ideas?

what a way to spend a sunday morning

I love this.

Listening to some great music (purdue christian campus house stuff), drinking some great coffee (mmm... dark sumatra from CoHo), getting ready to play with my oil pastels and create.

A beautiful morning full of worship.

here's to wishing it would snow so I could play in it

love...

So, I haven't been able to shake this sadness. In fact, it seems to be getting worse... but God has been leading me through it - that's what is so great about him - he allows you to feel these emotions, but won't let you just stew in them. He'll draw you out and speak to you in a way that breaks your heart just a little bit more, but if you keep working through it, that is where you will find healing. I know it sounds so strange, but it's real. God is real. I think I've been doubting that lately. It all stems from looking at the actions and attitudes of the "American" church - how we have failed to love and failed to stand up for what is truly on the heart of God - those who are broken, who are suffering, who are destitute... the thousands dying in Africa every day because they live without the basic medicines we have available at our fingertips... those who are being beaten and raped and murdered in a very real genocide in Northern Africa... those who are living in the crowded mud rooms in refugee camps, because their countries are war-torn. In scripture, the poor is mentioned over 2,100 times (thanks to Bono for pointing that out)... the poor is on the heart of God. But it isn't on our hearts here in America. It isn't on my heart as much as I would like it to be. I'm selfish. We all have been selfish. There was a reason that Jesus said the of money is at the root of all evil. Too often I love money more than I love God or the people around me.

Anyway, this is not the intention of this post. I know God is real. I've seen him work in my life more times than I can count and in such profound ways. He's been working lately. Bringing up insecurities and fears that are connected with this sadness. The big one was yesterday as I was reading through the book TrueFaced. It talks about one of the gifts of grace being love... that if we are unable to see that this is a basic need we all have and if we are unable to humble ourselves enough to receive it then we can never truly give it and we can never really experience true grace. A chord was struck in me... not only do we have to acknowledge that we need love, but we also have to confess that we desire love. That is hard for me. Not hard to say I desire God's love, but hard to admit that I desire a man's love. Somehow, in our society, we have come to think that women who truly desire a man's love is weak. Tyler, in a response to my post a few days ago, asked what dreams I felt were crumbling. Honestly, it's this dream - this dream to have someone who loves me, who finds me completely inspiring, who can't live without me. To have someone to attempt to change the world with - to challenge me and spur me on and to travel this great adventure called life with. I feel like it may never happen. So, to admit that I desire it is devastating, because that desire may never be fulfilled. I desperately want to say strongly that I don't need anyone! I can make an impact on my own! God can still use me! Admitting this is not easy for me. I know, I know... everyone tells me to just be patient, to wait on the Lord, to be content with where I am... those things have never been easy for me, and I know they are true, but I'm just trying to be real with what I'm feeling concerning this.

I look at my heart and the way it tries to fulfill this dream - looking for love in all the wrong places it seems. Just once, I wish I was finally at the right place. But I don't trust myself enough to recognize it. The ultimate question - do I stop looking and wait for it to smack me in the face, or do I need to do something to find it? Maybe I just need to learn to trust more. But what does that look like?

My Strengths

A few years ago, I bought the book Now, Discover Your Strengths that was written by the folks from Gallup. With the book you take an online profile to discover what your top strengths are. Below are my results (with a description of each). Read them and let me know if they are true or not - whether you've known me for a long time or not... I'd like to see what you all have to say.

Empathy
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament - this would be sympathy, not empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instictive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings - to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

Relator
Relator describes your attitude toward your relationships. In simple terms, the Relator theme pulls you toward people you already know. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people - in fact, you may have other themes that cause you to enjoy the thrill of turning strangers into friends - but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk - you might be taken advantage of - but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.

Strategic
The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?" This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path - your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: "What if?" Select. Strike.

Responsibility
Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When people come to you for help - and they soon will - you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.

Belief
If you possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. These values vary from one person to another, but ordinarily your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics - both in yourself and others. These core values affect your behavior in many ways. They give your life meaning and satisfaction; in your view, success is more than money and prestige. They provide you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities. This consistency is the foundation for all your relationships. Your friends call you dependable. "I know where you stand," they say. Your Belief makes you easy to trust. It also demands that you find work that meshes with your values. Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you. And guided by your Belief theme it will matter only if it gives you a chance to live out your values.

a little bit of sadness didn't hurt anyone

It's 6:30PM on a Saturday night and I have nothing to do. And that isn't a bad thing. Not at all, I actually look forward to an evening to myself. I've been feeling sad these past two days, about what I'm unsure... it's just there at the back of everything - like at any moment tears could roll down your face but you don't know exactly why. Last night my friend Brady told me hates to see people sad, and that I should hang out with him instead so he can make me laugh. But I think that sometimes it is really good to let the sadness out. Sadness isn't always a bad thing - in fact it is healthier to get it out and deal with it than to stuff it down (as I have been trying to do for the past 24 hours). Sometimes we need to mourn a little bit in order to experience healing and joy. Sometimes we just need to experience the full emotions inside of us so that we can be exactly who we were created to be. I'm not sure what it is I need to deal with - most likely it has to do with some hopes and dreams crumbling, some friendships changing... but so is life. I need to stare my junk in the face and move on (so Rob Bell tells me). I hope you get the chance to do the same.

My Day Off

Being inspired by Tyler, I decided that a great thing to do on my day off would be to walk from my house to downtown. So, I set off with a bounce in my step and good music in my ears (Patsy Cline's "Walkin' After Midnight" and "Crazy", swing music by The Andrews Sisters, and the beautiful voice of Billie Holiday singing love songs - I've been consumed with all things old lately - watching movies like The Philadelphia Story, North by Northwest, and It Happened One Night) It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining, and I found myself thinking about how wonderful my life is. I'm happy and healthy, I have wonderful friends and family... God has truly blessed me with so much. Maybe this is what he meant by having an "abundant life".

Then I started thinking about a few new-found friends in my life. Since I was heading to the Coffee House, I was thinking about my friend Colin and the journey of his life he is about to embark on in a few days to Northern India to live in a Tibetan community. How happy I am that he is taking a risk and doing something that I know will change his life and perspective. Not many people have the guts to do something like that. Then I started thinking about my own journey to Pakistan (not far from where he'll be) five years ago - thinking about the feel of the place: the heat, the smell of the dirt when it rained, the colors of the clothes, the flowers, the smiles on the Afghan girls during class. I miss it. Then, as I got closer to the Coffee House I realized that as much as I'm glad he's going, I'm sad 'cause he isn't going to be behind the counter when I want a cup of coffee anymore - he won't be there to chat with. How sad. I'll miss you Colin!

Then, I thought about my new friend Jeewon who is from Korea and who I met on Tuesday evening in a random encounter. After CSF, I went over to Amigos to get some food (as my stomach felt like it was going to eat itself). However, when I got there the doors were locked. It was after ten and they had closed. Jeewon was also there wanting to get something, so we decided to go over to Wendy's (yes, I know, very healthy choices - but when it's that late and you are so hungry sometimes you just don't care what you eat!). It too was closed. Chipotle's - closed. So, we head to the Coffee House (I should become a spokesperson for this joint) and had good conversation. It was a good thing we ran into each other because it turns out that she had forgotten her purse in her room, so I bought her iced mocha. She told me she was having a horrible day, so I'm glad I was there to help make it a little better. I walked her back to her dorm, and gave her my number so we could hang out again. Well, when I got to the Coffee House today, she called and came over to have some coffee with me. She even gave me a pair of beautiful earrings - what a sweet girl! I'm glad we ran into each other that night... one can never have too many friends.

And so I started on my trek home and decided to take a few pictures:














This is me... walking...


















I spotted this odd looking squirrel. It appears someone shaved his top half! And this cat was so cute and friendly, I couldn't not pet it.




















A few blocks from my house, I spotted Tyler and Amber walking down the street. After much yelling, I finally got their attention and walked to rest of the way with them.















And when I got to my house, I saw my way awesome bicycle that I got at a garage sale for $10. After walking the 20 some blocks to get downtown and seeing that it didn't take all that long and it was really relaxing - it made time go slower and I got to see so much more than if I would have had I driven... I decided I should do this more often. And I should ride my bike more. But I need to get it tuned up - the gears need a good oiling, and I need new tires. But I don't know much about bikes. Anyone know a good place to take it, or are willing to show me how to do it on my own?

And that, was my day. It was a good one.