What I am reading:

My Christmas

My five year old nephew, Robert.

Robert-the-Santa-Claus and my dad-the-red-nosed-reindeer.

Lydia, my seven-month-old cousin.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Bono Controversy

There has been recent outrage among the Relevant Magazine audience about a recent article sent out in Relevant's weekly e-mail: "850 Words". In this article (which you can read by going here), the author talks about a recent U2 concert she attended in New York where Bono at one point stopped the concert, put on a blindfold that said "Coexist" on it: in which the "C" was an Islamic crescent moon, the "X" was a Star of David, and the "T" was a cross. She writes that he started saying: "Islam, Jew, Jesus, all true" and repeated it over and over as a mantra. She goes on to say that she has idolized this man for his faith and the things he has done, but left feeling like she was "covered in bile" after thinking he is leaning more towards universalism.

Now, it was certainly a bold article... and Relevant has taken notice of the outcry from readers and cast a special addition of their podcast in order to share some of the thoughts that people have sent them and to further the discussion. I encourage you to listen to this podcast - go to the website: www.relevantmagazine.com, and at the bottom of the page you can listen to it. A lot of people corrected the author - saying that Bono, at his other concerts, has not said, "Islam, Jew, Jesus, all true", but instead said, "Islam, Jew, Jesus. It's true: all sons of Abraham." Now - this points to a song from their newest album entitled Love and Peace Or Else. A line in the chorus states: Lay down | Lay down your guns | All you daughters of Zion | All you Abraham's sons. In that context, the coexist portion of the concert seems to be more about gaining peace amongst a situation that has been riddled by hate and judgementalism - not about all of these faiths leading to God.

However, the discussion continues. Check it out and put in your two cents.

I do agree with the author of the article that we have a tendency to idolize these men and women of faith who take a stand for something - Bono, Rob Bell, Donald Miller, Beth Moore, Switchfoot... etc. etc. Putting them on a pedastal is not healthy - for them or for ourselves. I would caution, however, to not try to swing the completely opposite way where we ignore them and their causes for the sake of protecting ourselves. I should not idolize Bono, but I will say that this man and the work he has done for the crisis of AIDS and poverty in Africa is what has opened my eyes to the need and helped me to hear God's heart on the matter more clearly. If I ever were to meet Bono, I would not be able to thank him adequately for sparking the love of God for these people in my heart.

Once you read the article, read this reply (or portion of it) from Steve Stockman who authored the book "Walk On: The Spiritual Journey of U2" -

Just one last thing and I promise I don’t mean it to be a cheap shot. Tara says of this rock concert moment, “It was, without question, the most disturbing experience of my life; I felt like I’d been covered in bile.” We have thousands of children dying because they don’t have the water and drugs that we take for granted. We have three people having more control over wealth than the sixty poorest nations. We have wars raging, some of us involved in the killing of thousands of civilians for the most dubious of reasons. We are raping the creation of our God and Father and it is causing catastrophic “natural” tragedies. In the season when God made himself poor, we are lavishing one another with joke presents and gratifying our sick materialism while people die of hunger. Only 13% of evangelical Christians in America are interested in helping with the HIV/AIDS pandemic in southern Africa. Anti-Christs are rampant and ravaging the world and the most disturbing thing is a mis-quote from a rock star. God forgive us. At least Bono believes He will!

Where's the Love??

I sit in a hotel hallway after lounging in the hot tub for a solid 40 minutes, and I wonder as I check some e-mail and look over my blog (I'm in the hallway because I could tell by the incessant tossing and turning by the person in the bed next to me that I was being bothersome typing away on this appendage of mine that is my computer), why is it that no one is posting comments on my blog anymore? While I thought I was being clever with my posts - giving you some fun things to read, I have absolutely no feedback to encourage me to keep writing... not that that will stop me, but that is besides the point... so, I wonder if maybe my blogging just isn't interesting enough. I feel neglected friends! Where are my big bear hug like replies to my sharp and cunning wit? I'm slightly disappointed and lonely out here in blog-land. So, please, let me know you are still reading... or that you aren't... or give me suggestions of what you would like me to blog about... anything... please... I... just... want... to......... feel.......................loved.

sitcoms

"Sitcoms have been my schooling in many areas. For example, it was in this specific pop-culture medium that I discovered the following life lessons:

- Neighbors eavesdrop on all conversations.
- Life is performed live in front of a studio audience.
- Parents out-of-town equals crazy party.
- All problems resolve in exactly twenty-two minutes.
- A conk to the head causes amnesia.
- A second conk to the head cures amnesia."

excerpt from Flashbang by Mark Steele

bummer

Though I made what I would consider a valiant effort to win tickets to see U2, those efforts were thwarted. And so I will have to wait for the next tour and try my hardest to get tickets or pay an arm and a leg for them - since they aren't getting any younger... but they are getting better so maybe that is the upside - the next tour will be better than this one. Who knows. Thus, seeing U2 in concert remains firmly on my list of things to do before I die.

My evening wasn't completely shattered, however. Instead of rocking it out at the Qwest Center, I rocked it out with some friends as we busted some moves to a techno beat at The Bricktop. My abs will hurt in the morning, but what fun we had.

Ooh, ooh, PICK ME!!

My mission tomorrow: Go to Council Bluffs, IA... hang out at a club called Vertigo at Harras Casino for four hours... attempt to win a pair of tickets to see U2 in concert tomorrow night at the Qwest Center. Will it actually happen? Will I get to knock one of the "Seven Things To Do Before I Die" off of the list? We shall see. In the meantime, cross your fingers for me... give a shout out to God for me... and maybe, just maybe I will be rocking out to the greatest band in the world this time tomorrow night...

Seven Things

Here is a list of seven things - something I saw another guy post on his blog, so I thought it was a pretty sweet idea. So, here it is:

Seven thing to do before I die:
1. Learn to play the piano.
2. Backpack across Europe.
3. See U2 play in concert.
4. Set foot in every country in the world (I know, I know... it's not very realistic, but do these really have to be?)
5. Live overseas.
6. Learn to tapdance.
7. See an opera (I know it sounds easy to do, but I haven't had the chance yet.)

Seven things I cannot do:
1. I cannot play the piano (blast!).
2. I cannot burp on command... in fact, some would argue that I cannot properly burp period. My pseudo-burps end up sounding like a frog.
3. I cannot touch my tongue to my nose.
4. I cannot sing.
5. I cannot handle heights without freaking out.
6. I cannot ski.
7. I cannot touch my toes.

Seven things that attract me to my significant other:
Oh wait... I don't have a significant other. Sad.

Seven things I say most often:
1. "Blast!"
2. "I concur."
3. "Punk."
4. "Emma, wanna go for a walk?"
5. "Sweet."
6. "Shut your dirty mouth!"
7. "That rocks my face off."

Seven books I love:
1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin
2. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
3. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
4. The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
5. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
6. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
7. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Seven movies I watch over and over (or would if time were available):
1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
2. You've Got Mail
3. Garden State
4. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
5. A Christmas Story
6. Any movie with Audrey Hepburn
7. Any movie with Fred Astaire

litebright and snow

I just noticed that the background of my blog looks like a LiteBright. Oh how I loved LiteBright growing up - making up all those designs and seeing them lit up all pretty. It was also oddly satisfying to poke the little pieces into the paper, and then when you were ready to design something new, it pull the paper off and feel all of those little pieces pop out. It brought me hours upon hours of entertainment as a child!

Emma loves the snow. Since it was 40 degrees today, instead of the typical 8, the snow is quickly melting. Today might be the last time for a while for her to romp around in it. She loves to run and slide, and would gladly stay outside in the snow for hours if she had her way and if snow wouldn't get stuck in her paws and freeze her toes. And since I'm feeling better, it was fun running around with her. It is so great having a dog!

A Review and Some Honesty

The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe is well worth the time and money to see. I was very impressed with it - especially that they kept it very close to the book. It looks cool - of couse because WETA did the effects for it (the same company that worked on Lord of the Rings). However, if you are expecting something similar to Lord of the Rings - either don't go or change your expectation. Because Tolkien and Lewis were two different men with two different stories, the results are different from each other. This movie is, however, true to the spirit of the book and is, I think, close to what Jack would have wanted it to be. (You know... C.S. Lewis... aka Jack... 'cause he and I are so close...).

After the movie, Dan and I had coffee together for the first time in several weeks. Because it has been so crazy lately, we haven't had much time to talk. And it was good. But it was hard. Because when you talk to someone who has been going through the same things and have been facing the same struggles, it seems like those things come rushing back to you and face you head on. And it isn't just the pain of death that has been facing us. We both have felt huge wounds this semester coming from ministry that we haven't dealt with before, and for me it has hurt me so much to the point of not really wanting to press forward. A lot of confusion. A lot of pain. It is hard to keep doing something that can be so hard - yet there are glimpses of glory in it even so. But, talking through some of that was difficult - to admit that I am still bleeding from it. To face the fact that I'm not the only one. This semester has been so hard, I can barely explain it. But there is beauty in doing campus ministry - there is a new beginning every 6 months or so. So, I'm glad it's close to being done. I need a rest. I need to stop and allow myself to grieve. For the loss of my grandpa. For the loss of Brianna. For the hurts I experienced. For a lot of loss. I need to stop pushing it away and just let it come. Please pray that I will do this. Without really feeling it, I won't be truly healed. Doesn't it say that somewhere - that God rends in order to bind up? I need to endure the rending... for I desperately need the binding up.

life is fun right now

I finally feel better! Not one hundred percent just yet, but I can actually breathe and have energy. And I don't have to blow my nose every five seconds - more like every five minutes, so a huge improvement. This afternoon has been spent baking 8 dozen cookies for our church Christmas Program and dancing in my living room to some great music (Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Coldplay, Jack Johnson).

Speaking of Jack Johnson - my favorite song of his is "Better Together" and yesterday I downloaded the video for it... I did not realize how gorgeous he is! He's not movie star gorgeous, but there's something about him that is beautiful. He's an everyday kind of man with a great smile. Maybe it's just because I really like his sound. I don't know. I was just surprised.

There are times when it is really good to be in full-time ministry. Tomorrow morning will be one of those times when I get to go see "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" for free! I am very excited about it. Though it is at 9:00 in the morning, I am not complaining one bit. Oh, and a note to Lanae and Brady - don't worry, I can guarantee that I will probably want to see it again with both of you on Monday afternoon as well!

if only...

Today, I went outside to get in my car only to discover that it was snowing - again. The weather hasn't really been normal around here - not for a typical Nebraska winter. Usually it is bloody cold and windy, but with absolutely nothing to show for it. I have always said that I wouldn't mind the cold if it would just snow already... little did I know that we'd have two solid weeks of white around here. Not that I mind - I love it. It makes everything feel like a fairy tale. So, I was walking to my car and I had this overwhelming desire to go snowshoeing. Oh how I wish I could go snowshoeing... but there are several reasons that I cannot.

1) I'm still sick - dang it! And though I feel loads better than I have in a few days, it still would not be smart to be marching around in wet snow.

2) I, unfortunately, do not own any snowshoes.

3) It is bloody cold out there! It has hovered between 0-10 degrees for the past three days. Not exactly smart to be marching around in the freezing cold either.

4) There isn't exactly a lot of fun places to go snowshoeing in flat-land Nebraska. With no mountains, walking across a field isn't much fun. How I wish I lived in mountain country.

And so, I am left to sit inside and work - all the while dreaming about things I cannot have. Oh well, at least it's pretty.

Attention Anonymous Stalker:

I was wrong - you are not who I thought you were. So I am back to square one. Who are you?

Sincerely,

Jenny :)

The Church

Over the past week, I have been amazed at the body of Christ. How we can pull together to uphold each other through difficult times. Here is something that was said at Brianna's funeral that I thought was perfect:

"The body of Christ is, in fact, the Bride of Christ. And the Bride of Christ is, in fact, a very large woman."


Also, nine years ago today I was united with Christ in His death and ressurection through the waters of baptism. From that day on, my life was changed. Thank you God for the overwhelming grace You have showered me with. I have not enough words to express my gratitude.

exhausted...

Yesterday was quite possibly the longest, hardest day I have ever experienced.

My grandfather's funeral was really nice. He looked really good - probably the best he's looked in a long time. I think that made everyone, especially my dad, feel better. My uncle shared funny stories about him, and reminded us all of what an amazing man he was. I think my grandpa would have been pleased with how it turned out.

Last night at CSF we mourned the loss of our sister in Christ, Brianna. It was hard - I hadn't really had a chance to think about/mourn her loss since I was/am in the middle of mourning the loss of my grandfather. It was good to let the grief come instead of welling it up inside. It was good to be there amidst our community of believers. I think Brianna's death will bring a strength to our group that wasn't there before. She was an amazing girl, even though most of us only knew her for a few months. We will miss her greatly.

So, this morning I woke up and could barely move. It is amazing how draining and physically taxing that much emotion can be on a person. So, I spent the day at home just trying to recouperate. And it's snowing again, and is very beautiful. I took Emma for a walk in it just to enjoy the way it falls so silently and makes everything look new again. Then tonight I watched a great episode of Lost... frustrating but soooo good. My two questions: who will Kate choose, and where the heck is Walt???

more bad news...

One of the freshmen in our ministry, Brianna Reed, died in a car accident early this morning trying to drive back to UNL for classes. Please pray for her parents - Brian and Faye - as Brian is stationed in Iraq as a military chaplain. He is trying to get back, but it may take a week. Pray for them as they deal with this loss, and for us as we mourn the loss of our friend.

In Memory

Robert "Pete" Petersen

My grandpa passed away on Friday evening. He'd been sick for very long time, and I'm glad he's out of pain now. But I will miss him. He was so strong. He was a rock in my life - always consistant, always there. Here are a few things that I loved about him:

He adored my grandmother. There were married for over 50 years before she passed away in 1996. On their 50th wedding anniversary, when they were posing for a picture with my grandpa's arm around her shoulder, my grandpa reached his arm around further to try to grab my grandma's you-know-what! My grandma yelled and slapped his hand away while my grandpa just grinned. I remember hearing them bicker back and forth at the dinner table, but it was really just a game with them. I hope I have a relationship with my husband like theirs.

He was a smooth talker. He loved to flirt with the ladies. My grandma just shook her head at him. Even in the last three years when he'd been in the nursing home, he flirted with each and every one of the nurses. I think he just liked to make them smile and feel special.

He loved to golf, and each of his kids grew up golfing (my uncle Rob is a pro golfer who works at a golf course in Missouri) and in turn both of my brothers grew up golfing (I never took it up - too frustrating for me, but I love watching them and walking with them on the courses). Once, he made a hole-in-one at the golf course in Clay Center, NE and made it into the paper. He told them that people might have thought he lied about it... if he didn't happen to be golfing with the sheriff!

He had a major presence around him. He might have been fairly soft spoken, but he laughed loudly, sneezed really loudly, and snored even louder.

He loved his kids and grandkids and greatgrandkids dearly. I remember watching him during my uncle's wedding two years ago. He was the best man, and afterward as we were standing around waiting to go to the reception and there he was, in his wheelchair with tears streaming down his face. I think he was just so happy to still be around to see Rob get married.

He absolutely loved the Nebraska Cornhuskers. I remember watching games with him where he would yell so loudly and jump up so quickly that he'd hit his head on the ceiling (they weren't that tall, but he also was a big guy). In fact, on Friday, he and my dad were watching the Colorado game. They watched through the entire thing and all of the post-game commentary, and when that was through, he had a heart attack. I'm so glad that he got to see the last regular season game of the year. Pretty typical of my grandpa.

I'll miss you.

creation

I've been thinking a bit about the evolution vs. creation vs. intelligent design debate. I'm sitting here reading The Alchemist and it was talking about a grain of sand containing the happiness found in God because a grain of sand is a moment of creation... and I was thinking about how God operates - how different it is from us. I have trouble believing that God created the whole world in just 7 days- at least in the way that we think of 24 hours of time. It's possible, yes, that God basically started pointing and zapping things into being - that could be done easily by God in that short amount of time. But what I know of God through my own desire and hunger to create things - I want to enjoy the process of creating - to get lost in a painting I am creating or enjoy the work my hands have to do while knitting something. And I think of the joy I feel when I create something. Then I think about the utter joy God had in creating me - I can imagine him laughing a deep, gutteral laugh as He formed my body - with a beaming smile on His face... and I think that maybe God would have wanted to take His time creating what we see around us - to put time and effort into it because it was and is close to His heart. When I care deeply about something, I want to take my time with it - to make it exactly how I imagine it. So, perhaps we need to stop thinking about the Word in terms of our own understanding, and instead look to the One who gave the Word to us and learn instead how to understand the depth of who He is - His character, His love, His grace. Maybe then we will get closer to understanding the details.

a few touchy issues

The debate has started: Is the "Harry Potter" series by JK Rowling pure evil or just great literature that gets kids to read a 900+ page book? With the premiere of "The Goblet of Fire" in the theatres today comes this "moral" dilemma. Here's an article from Relevant that took a different stance on it. Check it out - cast your votes. Mine? I L-O-V-E these books and am going to happily see the movie on Sunday night. But, decide for yourselves.

Here is an article from the Daily Nebraskan that I thought was really good - really really frustrating and convicting for me, but good. How do I, as a follower of Jesus, battle the trap that our society puts on us? How do I become more selfless with my money and how do I battle the often overwhelming desire for more "stuff"?

that p word

here's someone's (a guy named Tony Jones to be exact) description of what "unceasing prayer" is:

At school, before you eat, while you drive, in the locker room, at home, eyes open, eyes shut, before an exam, through the woods, feeding the dog, on the deck, talking to class, in the morning, before you sleep, wondering about the world, after the fight, looking for an answer, because you care, because you don't care, flying across the ocean, on your knees, to erase or to remember, when you're happy, when you're scared, when no one else hears, using ancient ideas or new ones, singing or screaming, writing a letter, in a journal, at the interview, with or without something to say, to get real, on the date, sacred or irreverent, help! help! help!, loud or soft, at work, floating or sinking, after you fail, after you succeed, hands folded or raised to the sky, with a friend, with your dad, for your friends, for your family, during the game, at the meet, to find Jesus, on the mountaintop, in the valley, when you feel alive, when you feel half-dead, under attack, to reorganize, at the concert, for composure, to praise, to worship, to just listen, wherever, whenever, however...

basically silent awareness of God that threads through your day - even in the most mundane times... a fluid, seamless life with God - this is His hope for you.

first snow

It's snowing! I absolutely love it! I wish it would snow all the time in Nebraska, but we live in a land that is all too often bitterly cold with nothing to show for it. But I am relishing the fact that there are fluffy white flakes falling outside my window, and though I know it isn't cold enough for it to stick, I can hope that there is more where this came from. Snow makes everything look softer and prettier - it is magical and romantic and beautiful. I'm so glad winter is here.

I heart Willy Wonka/Johnny Depp

I love how wierd and strange Johnny Depp is in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He is just so funny - like a little kid who is grown up but hasn't had a lot of social interactions so he's a bit off... it's fantastic! I've been watching bits of it before I fall asleep... here are a few of my favorite quotes:

Willy Wonka: "Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!"

Mike Teavee: "Who wants a beard?"
Willy Wonka: "Well, beatniks for one, folk singers and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!"

Willy Wonka: "Everything in this room is *eat*able. Even I'm *eat*able. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

Willy Wonka: "The best kind of prize is a *sur*prise!"

Willy Wonka [to Mike Teavee]: "Uh, you really shouldn't mumble, because I can't understand a word you're saying."

Willy Wonka [to Mike Teavee]: "Once again, you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's really starting to bum me out!"

Willy Wonka [to Mike Teavee]: "Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!"

bookstores are dangerous things

I should not be allowed to enter a bookstore. There is a reason I don't spend a lot of time in them. It is too dangerous for me. Tonight I went to Barnes & Noble in search of the current issue of Relevant Magazine (though I gave them my new address, they must not have changed it because I have not received it in the mail despite my subscription - I'm calling up Cameron Strang and yelling at him tomorrow - just kidding Cameron!)... and left with the magazine and two books. Dang it! I didn't mean to - I swear! I just love books. I love reading them. I love the way they feel. The way they smell. The weight of them in my hands, the sound of the pages being turned. I have always loved books - growing up people would comment on how they would never see me without my nose in a book. Same today, I guess. I took a break during my stint in college simply because there wasn't time.

And now, I am settling down to a weekend with the apartment to myself. I plan on lighting some candles, brewing some coffee, and snuggling under a blanket with my new reads. Perhaps one of these days I will actually get a life.

If you're curious, here are the books I got:

The Jane Austen Book Club | Karen Joy Fowler - because my mind has been on Austen lately with the new Pride and Prejudice movie coming out soon. I heart Jane Austen.

The Alchemist | Paulo Coelho - on the recommendation of my friend Jill. She once read a bit of it aloud in our small group, and I fell in love but haven't had a chance to grab it and read it in its entirety.

Reviews coming soon...

dogs need discipline... people do too

I have the coolest dog in the world. Seriously - THE coolest. You can attempt to dispute me on this, but then you'll meet her and agree with me that she is THE coolest dog ever. Pete tried to argue with me. Then he fell in love with her. Didn't you, Pete?

Well, its my day off, and I realized it was high time for Emma to get her nails clipped and to get a bath - cause she smelled like a dog and I'm not pleased with that. So, I thought I'd do the nail clipping first cause she absolutely hates that, then take her to the dog park to make it up to her, the give her a bath since she'll have gotten nasty from running through the creek at the park. I thought that even though I'd be "torturing" her most of the day, that the dog park would make up for it.

Well... not so today. For at the dog park was a German Shepherd puppy... now when you hear the term "puppy" you think a cute little thing that is very, very sweet. Not so with this one. He was massive - towered over Emma (and Emma is a fair sized dog). And this puppy did not know when to quit. Of course he was playful and ran around with Emma, but he did not understand the concept of not jumping on another dog and not biting another dog. Poor Emma was getting it all full force. All of a sudden as they were "playing" I hear some barking and snarling. What the heck? Was that Emma? Now, you have to understand that I can count on two hands the amount of times I have heard Emma bark since I've had her - and I've had her for over a year. She just doesnt' bark... unless she is alone and sees a squirrel or rabbit. So, naturally I didn't recognize it that she was the one barking and snarling at this oaf of a dog. But the puppy would not lay up.

Where was the owner of this puppy, you ask? Sitting on the picnic bench with me... laughing! Hello! You're dog is attacking my dog - and you laugh? He mumbled something about the puppy being over rambunctious... well of course he is because you don't discipline him! Not once did he yell at his dog. I scolded Emma several times - though I felt really bad about it because it's not her fault this dog won't get a clue. But I had to do something. Even when we tried to leave the vicinity, the stupid puppy kept following us, and the stupid owner of the puppy just let him harrass Emma some more - all the while still sitting on the bench. What the heck? See, this guy was pretty darn cute - with gorgeous blue eyes, and he kept trying to make conversation with me... but hello!!! If you can't even keep control of your dog, do you think I'm going to give you the time of day?

And poor Emma experienced the worst day ever.

kick in the pants

Here are a few thoughts from an article I read for my missions class - they are kicking me in the pants, and I sincerely hope the same effect happens to you.

"A young man in Bible school offered to help David Wilkerson years ago when he was ministering on the streets of New York City. Wilkerson asked him how much time he spent in prayer. The young student estimated about 20 minutes a day. Wilkerson told him, 'Go back, young man. Go back for a month and pray two hours a day, every day for 30 days. When you've done that, come back. Come back, and I might consider turning you loose on the streets where there is murder, rape, violence and danger... If I sent you out now on 20 minutes a day, I'd be sending a soldier into battle without any weapons, and you would get killed.'"

"Here's a challenge for you: Read everything Paul says about prayer, then ask yourself, 'Am I willing to pray like that?' Paul said that he prayed, 'night and day... with tears... without ceasing...with thankfulness... in the Spirit... constantly... boldly... for godly sorrow... against the evil one.'"

"There are too many over-fed, under-motivated Christians hiding behind the excuse that God has not spoken to them."

My heart is full

It's been four months since I first stepped foot in China. It is so hard to believe it has been that long. And it is amazing to me that my thoughts everyday are still so consumed with the beautiful kids we were able to meet and the wonderful team we had. Yesterday was especially hard. All day long I just felt this sadness in my heart. I wasn't sure what it was until I sat down to pray with Leslie and I picked up the big photo of all of our classes together in China. Then I realized that I had been feeling sadness for those kids - for each and every one of them who have no hope. They have so much pressure on them to succeed in life that they don't know how to handle and many of them end up depressed and suicidal. I was especially thinking of Morry and Asa. Their faces kept flashing in my mind as we were praying. My heart hurts to know they don't have the hope and joy that we have... and that there are very few in their lives to show them that hope - to help them see that they are worth far more than what they can accomplish in school or the marks they receive on a test. I so wish I could be there just to give them a hug. I was so sad for them - still am. Tears well up when I think of them.

So, that was all day yesterday. Then I got home and went to get the mail and found a package from two of my teammates - Becky & Katie. Inside were the videos that Becky had worked so hard at to edit and get out to us. I was so happy and excited - to actually see those students again - to see our team again! What a blessing that is! I won't make anyone watch the whole thing with me - as I know that it would be agony for anyone who didn't go on the trip with us, but I will show you a music video that gives you an awesome picture of these amazing kids and all we did with them. In fact, I'm putting that on my iPod so the next time you see me, make sure you take 5 minutes to watch it. If only to see what we did and to be able to see who you could be or have been praying for.

I'm in love...

I'm sitting here with Betsy doing what we do every night - watching an episode of Gilmore Girls. We're at the point where Lorelai and Luke are starting to date - finally! And I realize that I am sitting here and finding myself completely and utterly, head over heels, in love with Luke Danes. Not Luke himself (or Scott Patterson who plays Luke - though he is pretty good looking), but the idea of him - what he represents. He's a manly man. He's solid. He's mature. He has his head on straight. He pursues Lorelai when he finally wakes up and realizes he's over the moon for her. He's not afraid to take that risk. He's pretty freakin' awesome... too bad he's a fictional character.

But I will not give up hope because I have seen firsthand that there are men out there who are exactly like this. I know them. They are my friends... and my brother... and my dad (because my dad is pretty amazing). And I am blessed to have them in my life. I just would really like to live happily ever after with one.

complete consumer

I admit it. I am a technological junkie. To be more specific, I am an official iPod junkie. They are just way cool. Seriously. So, I have been thinking about getting a new iPod - since the cool new video ones came out, and I own a ton of music that won't fit onto my mini... yes yes I know - do you really need another one? No. I don't. But I would have liked to have it. So, it just so happens that my friend Sarah has been thinking about getting one. And it just so happens that I was willing to sell her mine for cheaper than what she would pay for a one new. And so, my investment into a new iPod is partially funded by this transaction. Pretty sweet. So, I have in my possession a new 30GB Video iPod. It is freakin' awesome! I haven't had much time to mess with it, but it not only holds tons of music, and plays videos that you can get off of iTunes, but I can also convert my personal videos - such as some of the videos that were taken in China, and put them on there. I can put pictures on it and show slideshows with music to it (which will help when presenting on missions when I connect it to a TV). I can also put some of my ebooks on it to read. Neato bandito. So, I am hopeless.... but I am a pleased hopeless. Does that make it okay?

jesus is white, really white

This weekend I attended our annual "Women in Campus Ministry" Retreat. Basically it is just a really good excuse to get out of town and join other female campus ministers from the midwest and do nothing ALL WEEKEND. It is a fabulous time, and also a time where we experience very odd things. Two years ago, we attended a Scottish Games Festival where we saw grown men in skirts throw very heavy things. This year, we stayed in a lake house in Shell Knob, MO - deep in the Ozarks. On Saturday, we had wanted to go to Silver Dollar City in Branson to see a donkey dive into a pool, but didn't want to pay the money. Instead we went to Eureka Springs, AR to hang out. Eureka Springs is said to be the mini-Branson, but the community is very interesting. There are a lot of "alternative" lifestyles represented there... so I shouldn't have been surprised when I walked past a group of about 15 cross-dressers. To be honest I didn't really noticed at first because their make-up jobs were incredible - it was only when I heard them talking that I had to do a double take and ask Christy if what I just witnessed was real. Interesante. AND the coolest thing was visiting "Christ of the Ozarks" - this massive, very white statue of Jesus that kind of makes him look like a character in the Simpsons. Thus the two pictures above: the one on the top is me kissing Jesus, 'cause I love him. The one on the bottom is me picking Jesus' nose - because I figure you can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose - but I bet Jesus would let you. So there.

mmm... pumpkin guts

check out my cool pumpkin I created tonight.

the pumpkin barf was added by my friend Nathaniel.

when will we learn from our mistakes?

I'm quite sad this morning and a little bit angry as well as frustrated by my own indifference.

This summer while I was in Washington DC, I visited the Holocaust Museum and was deeply impacted by what happened and our lack, as a country, of response. Here is a quote from my blog at livejournal about it:

"Another sobering bit was a hall that had the photographs of this one certain community where a photographer had taken photos of people from the 50 years prior to the war... all of the photos lined the wall for two floors - all over. Pictures of kids playing, of people at parties, of weddings... everyday normal pictures. And the majority of those people died in the holocaust. Another section had thousands and thousands of shoes piled... all taken from the concentration camps. The whole thing was so sobering, and frustrating when you saw what little action America took to help... I only hope that we will not let something like that happen again."

Well, I am very sad to say that we are allowing it to happen again - just like we let it happen in Rwanda. Genocide is in our midst - not here in America, but in the midst of our worldwide community. The Arabs in the Sudan are working hard to extinguish the African tribes in Darfur, Sudan. Mass killings, rape, and burnings are taking place every day - with estimations around 500 losing their lives EVERY SINGLE DAY. Genocide. Just like the Jews. And what are we doing about it? Nothing. What is our government doing about it? Nothing. I could blame it on the media and how they don't show us these things on the news and so we are uninformed - which might be partially true, but I really boil it down to indifference... apathy. I praise God that He did not stand by apathetically while His people were in bondage, or in exile... or that He looked the other way when I was dying in my sin. When will we look past our own comfortable lives and become followers of Christ and act on the injustices in this world? I don't want to meet Jesus at His throne and have Him say that I didn't give Him something to eat or give Him clothes to wear when He needed it.

So, after all of this ranting, what is it that we can do? Get informed, and use our voices to get our political leaders to sit up and take notice. Here are a few sites where you can do this:

www.savedarfur.org
www.darfurgenocide.org
www.africanaction.org
www.darfurfast.org
www.beawitness.org

provision

I love it how God constantly provides for me.

Remember the $ I was saving for a new washer and dryer?? Yeah, that all went to my computer... so I figured I'd spend the rest of my life sitting in laundromats every two weeks. Not so - I got a phone call from my dad today asking if I still needed a washer and dryer. Someone he works with decided to get a bigger washer and dryer, so she is going to sell the old-but-in-great-working-order washer and dryer for only $100! For both of them! How awesome is that? And my dad will bring them and hook them up for me since I haven't got a clue how to do it. Pretty stinking sweet!


Oh - two albums that are worth checking out:

In Your Honor - Foo Fighters
You Could Have It So Much Better - Franz Ferdinand

new computer!

My new Compaq Presario has finally arrived! Much faster than I expected. I was shocked at the speed of service - I wasn't expecting it for another week. Unfortunately, my old computer is still somewhere in limbo - I think on its way back from Michigan, but I'm unsure. You can definately see the difference between FedEx and UPS. FedEx may be more expensive, but dang they are faster. Seriously, my computer was built in Shanghai, China (ah, Shanghai - I was just there two and a half months ago!) - it shipped from Shanghai on Monday morning... and got here - NEBRASKA - this morning. Seriously! That is fast! So, I'm impressed with that.

So, everything turned out fine with the computer stuff. It turned out that the LCD for my computer is only available from Hong Kong or directly from Dell - too expensive to ship from Hong Kong, and waaay too expensive to buy from Dell (like $660!), so I decided that for a few hundred dollars more I could get a new computer with a better system than what I had. So, I bought a Compaq Presario V2000Z... so far so good, but I've only had it for about an hour. My thoughts right now - great wide screen... there is a cool button on the keyboard that turns off the mousepad so that when I type, I don't have troubles accidentally click on something I don't want to click on, there are controls for volume and CD on the keyboard which is nice, its about the same size, but a little bit heavier because I bought a bigger battery (my shoulder won't like that too much, but I'll stay connect for about 6 hours instead of 2). It has a DVD R/RW in it which is fun... faster hard drive... more space. So, good so far.

So, the mulah I would have spent on a new washer and dryer (when I went to buy them that one day, I felt uneasy about it, so I decided to wait - now I see why) went to buy a new and better computer. Now I just need my old computer to transfer all of my files!

romance is in the air (not my own, just generally)

It's Fall!!!!! I love the Fall. Sweaters and jeans and awesome scarves... crisp air that smells spicy (believe me - pine needles and pumpkin and cinnamon)... fabulous colors - orange, yellow, red... I love it!

Last night I went to Omaha with a few friends to celebrate my roomie's birthday. We went to the Old Market (the historic downtown area of Omaha) and it was so amazing. It's been at least 10 years since I've been down there. Beautiful buildings - lots of pretty lights... horse drawn carriages being pulled over the cobblestones. It was so romantic! The funny thing was that usually these senarios make me wistful and wishing I was in a relationship, but last night it just made me extremely happy (not that I don't want to be in a relationship, its just that the desire wasn't causing discontentment). It just made me smile and made me remember that God made me a very romantic person and I am very happy that He did. It was just pleasant walking along on the sidewalks, breathing in the crisp air, watching the people walk by. Plus we ate at a fabulous Italian restaurant - and there are few things I love more than Italian food. I felt so relaxed - it was a great evening. I should do things like that more often - get dressed up and go someplace special and have a really great meal. But I guess if I did that often, then it wouldn't feel so special, would it?

what the heck is up with Alias?

I don't get it. Seriously. Was JJ Abrams just so consumed with Lost this year that Alias has turned to bunk? Well, tonights season premiere was alright "Alias-ness" wise... but these plot twists suck. Why the heck would you kill off one of the central characters? Why the heck can't Sydney Bristow just be happy for once?!?!? Now I realize that there is a lot behind these decisions: 1. Perhaps it was Michael Vartan's decision to leave - perhaps the rumors that he was no longer able to work with Jennifer Garner now that she's married to Affleck are true, but I am pretty dang sure he had another year on his contract. 2. And of course they had to play Jennifer's pregnancy into it somehow... but it all felt a little cheesy. I guess I'm just ticked off because I really like Vaughn in the show, and I realize that this rant indicates me as a total junkie but for the sake of the show - why put Sydney through all of this??? She'd already lost one fiance... then she goes missing and her boyfriend gets married... then when things start going right with Vaughn and they finally decide to get married, he up and dies... and dies right after she finds out that he has had some shady history and is a possible spy - all leaving these unanswered questions that just make my blood boil.

Alright... I officailly need a life.

sick, klutz, impatient

Those three words describe me perfectly...

SICK: I have been sick with this horrible cough for the past two weeks. Just as I am getting over it (thanks to the really strong medicine my Dr. gave me), I get the hugest migrane headache. The first time this has ever happened to me. I woke up yesterday thinking I had the hugest hang over ever - then realizing that 'oh yeah, I don't drink... and now I know why'... so I was in bed pretty much all day as my head was splitting open and my stomach was protesting the dizziness whenever I stood up. But today, no headache. Wierd. I hope it doesn't come back.

KLUTZ: I was in charge of cooking for the Women's Retreat this weekend... and I blame it all on the drugs I've been on, but I broke 2 spoons, lit a hot pad on fire, and burned my arm. But really, I'm just a huge klutz.

IMPATIENT: My computer is fixed, but is in limbo somewhere on a UPS truck. I want it back!!!!

Oh yeah - the Coldplay concert rocked my face off! And I was pleasantly suprised by a random encounter with another Camp China Team Leader - crazy to run into him there!

blog hopping

alright alright alright

I know it looks like I'm very non-commital. Those of you who have followed my blogging career over the past two years might have some doubts. I realize this is my third blog spot in that amount of time... and there is nothing against xanga or livejournal... it is just that I needed a change of pace. A change of scenery. A new look. Sometimes you just want something new. And I thought a new blog page might be a bit better than say, a new car that I can't afford. Alright alright... I'm beginning to justify something that doesn't need justifying.

And so begins my new blog - welcome! Enjoy the ramblings and randomness that is my life. Glad you could stop by. Sit and stay as long as you like. Post responses - I love feedback. And thus I will commence with a few random thoughts:

1. If you own a laptop computer... I strongly suggest that you never sit it on the armrest of your sofa or any other place where it could be perceived as being in a precarious position. I say this because theoretically it could fall off. And theoretically it could wind up with a crack in the LCD. And theoretically it could cost $400 to fix. Yes... $400 and a few weeks in the shop. In Michigan.

2. If you enjoy scary movies or if you like thinking about the "unknown", I suggest you spend your hard earned dough and get "Lost" Season 1 on DVD. Though I liked the show when it aired on TV, there is something much better about seeing several episodes in a row with surround sound and no commercials. Seriously - it is like they created a movie that is 20 hours long. JJ Abrams and crew did it again. AND if you enjoy DVD extras - this set has at least 6 hours worth of behind the scenes stuff. Really good. (Though "Alias" will always be my first love.)

3. I realized that I have officially become an adult when a few weeks ago I bought my very first piece of new furniture (with the help of Lanae - thanks!). And tomorrow I am going to purchase a washer and dryer. I have suddenly been thrown into adulthood at 26... so this is what it feels like!